YEA!!!! Tax season. I am certain we are all a flush with excitement. This post is about the good part and the bad part of being single when you’re doing your taxes. I use a tax attorney. Yes, I know. Perhaps a tax attorney is over kill. But the last thing I want is questions. I want my tax return complete with every i dotted and every t crossed in the legal sense. In fact, I would rather over pay them than face an inquisition without the benefit of a Tax “Yoda” at my side. I even envision the IRS as a committee of pencil pushing fangs who studied the Salem Witch Hunt for orientation their first 3 months on the job. My fear of the IRS includes dreams of being burned at the stake by a sadistic hoard of nerds with calculators and coke bottle eye glasses. I can see the angry mob of misfit suits drooling and ranting taunts like, “Burn the witch!” Or perhaps they would brand me and force me to wear the proverbial scarlet letters, “IRS,” so that all heads turn away without utterance or acknowledgement as I make my way down the aisles at Wal Mart.
So what is the good part you ask? As a single, your taxes can be much simpler to do. I run every tax-deductible dime through one checking account. I only have one W-2. I only have my medical expenses to track. I only have my taxable return on investments to follow. Since I don’t have one of those pesky significant others, the kind all of my friends complain about, my records are not muddied by donations through a separate checking account or doctor and drug bills paid through various credit cards. I don’t have a spouse who has no clue about how the money is handled or could care less. What else you ask? As a single with no miniature money eaters, I have less dependents to follow. With their braces, school tuition and unending ear infections, I have less endless hours of frustration while in search of write-offs for the little buggers. A couple of hours at the computer and a drop off at the Tax “Yoda’s.” I’m done. Yippy!
So what is the down side? You, my friend, are a taxable money making machine for the government. With no dependents or even a spouse, you are the government’s dream of a money tree realized. You pay taxes at a higher rate with fewer write-offs. You pay taxes on services you will never utilize or benefit from. School taxes? I can’t remember dropping off a miniature money eater at the bus stop with a sign that said, “This is an Historic Landmark in Honor of Julia, who graciously donated her hard earned dollar to educate your miniature money worm hole.” Don’t misunderstand. It isn’t until some yahoo complains about paying a school tax in addition to paying tuition for their young up and coming President that I get bothered. They have the option of utilizing the public school system. They made a choice to have the child. And more important, they made a choice to send them to Dob Snob Preparatory School for the Gifted. Of course the term “Gifted” isn’t necessarily reflected by the IQ of the little heathen that just flattened my mail box with his BMW. “Gifted” refers to the balance in their parent’s checking account. That is when my hackles rise. The wealthy parent is whining about helping educate the middle class and indigent segment of our youth. But I assure you they see no reason why the single with no kids shouldn’t pay. After all, in their minds, we don’t have the little beggars asking for a a cool $20. So why shouldn’t the singles have to pick up the tab? Does anybody see a double standard here or is it just me? I know it sounds like I don’t like the little guys. Not true. I adore them when I can drop them off at home after stuffing them with a pound of Milk Duds and 32 ounces of caffeine. I mean how else was I going to explain going to, “The Little Mermaid?” Ahhh but I digress.
Yes, you pay taxes at a higher rate and have fewer write-offs. Yes, you pay for services you cannot possibly utilize. Such is the burden of independent single. The only write-off available to you is a mortgage. In conclusion of this long rambling post, you need to look at the bright side. While one of your friends has their dinning room table and bedroom covered with papers they are having to wade through for weeks, you get to finish the task in hours and mail it off with a monster size check before your friend has gotten through their records from January. Now, don’t you feel better?
Julia
Posted by singlesuccess 